"Take it Off!" - Stripping Down the Gay Rights Issue

Gay rights has been the hot-button issue on a lot of our minds recently.  There is so much hate going around - so much hurt and confusion.  But luckily this tempest of prostesters, Bible thumpers, and school bullies seems to be slowly ebbing, replaced by waves of supportive websites, petitions, and entertainment.  What's important to remember in this period, however, is what exactly we are all fighting for.

I've only just recently begun pondering this issue.  As a kid it was very clear to me that I was attracted to the opposite sex and, though I had one or two gay friends in high school, our tiny town in south Texas wasn't exactly a hub of homosexuality.  Then one day this year my husband asked me a question that I think we should all be asking ourselves: "What if some day we have a child who is gay?" That really got me thinking.  His question brought the issue close to home and, at least in my case, dramatically blocked any quick-to-judge, at-arm's-length opinions.  Of course I would want to love and support my child.  But as a parent, especially one with no personal experience in the struggle of sexual identity, what precisely would I be comfortable supporting in my child's life?

I looked more closely at the media and gay-rights campaigns and realized that so many of us are just as confused as I was on that first day.  We know the hate is wrong.  We want to show support. But for those of us who have never experienced the confusion and hate (often even self-hate) involved in the journey of sexual identity, the issue becomes fairly muddled.

The hit TV show "Glee" is one of the top runners in supporting society's outcasts, starting first and foremost with gay rights, but on closer inspection, it's clear that they're way off the mark.  In season two they began developing a relationship between the two gay characters Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss).  While Kurt is on the far side of flamboyant, neither he nor Blaine work against the stereotype that all gay men basically act like girls: most of their non-plot development conversations center on fashion, celebrity gossip, or their *obsession* with Broadway songs.  And what does every gay man need other than his lover? That's right - a best girlfriend to be sassy with. Kurt and Rachel's (Lea Michele) diva union has lasted through the entire show, and in order not to leave Blaine out of this degradation, he was paired with Tina in season four.

In season three Brittany (Heather Morris) and Santana (Naya Rivera) officially became an item. Because their development before this point was basically just steamy make-out scenes and sexy cuddling, the writers' attempts to balance the show with a lesbian couple severely backfired. The two most attractive female characters (cheerleaders none the less!) start experimenting with each other and then eventually proclaim some feelings of love, not to mention Quinn's (Dianna Agron) drunken escapade in season 4. Please. This resembles no part of a lesbian relationship and only served to boost ratings and fulfill the fantasies of every teenage boy in America.

The belittling of homosexual couples continues in season 4 after Kurt and Blaine break up.  Until this point, their romance had been a seedling for a true, wholesome example of a homosexual relationship, but is then transformed into careless hookups in the backseats of cars and commitment-less flirtation. 

Are these the kinds of values that gay rights activists and anti-bullying campaigns are looking to support? I don't think so. They are fighting for the right to a monogamous, loving relationship.  They long for the support to raise families and care for each other in hard times. 

Media projects that use flamboyance and promiscuity to"spread awareness and push for understanding" are only muddling the issue further - building the wall against gay marriage higher and higher. If anything Americans like me become even more reluctant to say they support gay rights because of the night-on-the-town mess that is so thoroughly mixed in.

So as a parent, I won't condone promiscuity (either hetero- or homosexual) and I won't expect my gay son to sing show tunes and go to ballet practice (though I'll support him if he does).  The fact is, that no matter what sexual orientation my future children are, I hope to instill in them the same values: honesty, loyalty, and responsibility in everything they do and the hope of a loving, lasting marriage. 

Swift Relationships

If you have found yourself scrolling through the meme boards lately, as I have, you've probably noticed the high comment traffic concerning Taylor Swift and her love drama.  The online community has been surprisingly harsh in their judgement toward her apparent string of boyfriends and breakup songs. Though I'm not one to get involved with celebrity gossip, Taylor's situation struck a chord with me, and I had to speak up.

We've all been there, haven't we?  A late-teens/early-twenties romantic feeling the loss of a broken relationship, and we all deal with the seemingly endless loneliness in different ways: we cry, we finish that tub of ice cream, we break things, we go for a long run, we listen to rock music, or we express our emotions in a creative way.  Taylor Swift is not the first person to do this.  We all remember Corey Flood from "Say Anything" and the 60+ songs she wrote about her ex-boyfriend. Sixty songs.  And we loved her for it.  

She was dealing with the loss of her virginity, a love she thought would last, and all the hormones of an 80's high-schooler.  Big stuff.  But it was this melodic catharsis that allowed her to eventually stand up to the infamous Joe. Having the courage to stare our pain in the face and deal with it in a productive way is an ability that we all strive for and something that makes us better, more emotionally mature adults.

There have been countless girls sitting in their bedrooms strumming out tear-filled ballads over their latest crush.  Relationships are hard, and when faced with the inevitable realization that we have failed at them once again, we find creative ways to deal with the trauma.  Taylor Swift is simply unlucky enough to be in the public spotlight during this time in her life.  She's just another one of those girls in their bedrooms, except her tear-filled ballads make the Top 40 on the pop charts and are broadcast worldwide.

Being famous doesn't make her any less human and imperfect.  Rather, the spotlight brings down the overwhelming and often immobilizing ridicule of the entire world on her everyday mistakes, as if celebrity should have been the magic key to unlocking seamless life choices.  The search for love is messy and full of holes, even more so when fame is involved, but the longer it takes the more we know we've learned about ourselves by the end.

So at the risk of offending the entire internet community, I would like to give Taylor credit for refusing to settle for just any Hollywood romance and for putting her relationship experiences in the public eye for others to learn from. Hopefully she's learned from them too.  I think in general we could stand to cut these celebrity girls a little slack and wade through our jealousy over their fame and fortune to the realization that stardom often contorts interpersonal relationships and hinders personal development.  If we look closely, we'll find that they share similar hopes for the future and need just as much help as we do to get there. 

"I Am Only an Experimenter"

Communication is one of the most harrowing endeavors that we as a people face.  Despite our daily dependence on interpersonal interaction, there is yet to be one language or dialect that perfectly captures our personal ideas and beliefs. English lacks a certain "je ne sais quoi,"Arabic could stand to be a little more "gung ho" about things, and Russian "è un casino!"

Bad puns aside, we as a race of people continue to struggle to get our ideas across to a second party and have often chosen to deal with this all-encompassing language barrier in one of two ways:

1. Charging ahead in a blaze of confidence, 

assuming the other person's adequate understanding 

of our words. 

2. Slowly silencing ourselves out of fear of 

misunderstanding and 

accompanying judgement.

I have more often been on the latter end of the spectrum, completely lacking confidence in my ability to communicate and generally keeping out of the spotlight for fear of being mislabeled. I looked forward to the day when the Vulcan Mind Meld became a reality, when all my thoughts and emotions could be perfectly conveyed through a single touch, and until that day hid largely in the shadows of other people's conversation. 

But acting from the other end of the spectrum often leads to more blame than is due any communicator or interpreter.  These conversations are often riddled with "How can you *not* understand what I said? It was clear as day!" and a general inflexibility to alter one's word choice and continue to discuss a given topic. 

What we fail to realize in both situations is that communicating with someone is like looking through a frosted windowpane into their conscious.  We can never fully make out the idea within, nor can it clearly shine through the glass to the outside world.  Only the foggiest outline is perceived, and the more we shout at each other from either side of the window, the more fog fills the pane.  Communication is instead a constant process, a circling around until a vaguely similar understanding can be reached, and in that process there will always be mistakes, misunderstandings, and fumbled words no matter how hard we try.  We can never escape that. 

This realization is in large part why I have begun this blog - to put my words into practice and dissipate my fear of being misunderstood or judged for my opinions.  I am at the age where I feel I am still developing many of my beliefs, that what I think today will most likely be entirely altered by tomorrow.  So I have made excuses for myself, avoiding releasing these thoughts into the world until they are fully formed, a complete, perfect picture.  But I am learning that a person is never fully "complete," their opinions never finished developing (or something is wrong) and that once sent out, my words will inevitably look different to each new perspective that comes across them. 

So I hope that you enjoy gazing through the frosted windowpane of my conscious, and know that nothing I write here is intended to offend, insult, or pass judgment on anyone.  It is more the starting point of my journey, a personal place to sort out my own changing life and find the bravery to put pieces of myself out into the world, smudged and imperfect as they are wont to be. 

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Let me remind the reader that I am only an experimenter.  Do not set the least value on what I do, or the least discredit on what I do not, as if I pretended to settle anything as true or false.  I unsettle all things.  No facts are to me sacred; none are profane; I simply experiment, an endless seeker, with no Past at my back."