I've only just recently begun pondering this issue. As a kid it was very clear to me that I was attracted to the opposite sex and, though I had one or two gay friends in high school, our tiny town in south Texas wasn't exactly a hub of homosexuality. Then one day this year my husband asked me a question that I think we should all be asking ourselves: "What if some day we have a child who is gay?" That really got me thinking. His question brought the issue close to home and, at least in my case, dramatically blocked any quick-to-judge, at-arm's-length opinions. Of course I would want to love and support my child. But as a parent, especially one with no personal experience in the struggle of sexual identity, what precisely would I be comfortable supporting in my child's life?
I looked more closely at the media and gay-rights campaigns and realized that so many of us are just as confused as I was on that first day. We know the hate is wrong. We want to show support. But for those of us who have never experienced the confusion and hate (often even self-hate) involved in the journey of sexual identity, the issue becomes fairly muddled.
The hit TV show "Glee" is one of the top runners in supporting society's outcasts, starting first and foremost with gay rights, but on closer inspection, it's clear that they're way off the mark. In season two they began developing a relationship between the two gay characters Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss). While Kurt is on the far side of flamboyant, neither he nor Blaine work against the stereotype that all gay men basically act like girls: most of their non-plot development conversations center on fashion, celebrity gossip, or their *obsession* with Broadway songs. And what does every gay man need other than his lover? That's right - a best girlfriend to be sassy with. Kurt and Rachel's (Lea Michele) diva union has lasted through the entire show, and in order not to leave Blaine out of this degradation, he was paired with Tina in season four.
In season three Brittany (Heather Morris) and Santana (Naya Rivera) officially became an item. Because their development before this point was basically just steamy make-out scenes and sexy cuddling, the writers' attempts to balance the show with a lesbian couple severely backfired. The two most attractive female characters (cheerleaders none the less!) start experimenting with each other and then eventually proclaim some feelings of love, not to mention Quinn's (Dianna Agron) drunken escapade in season 4. Please. This resembles no part of a lesbian relationship and only served to boost ratings and fulfill the fantasies of every teenage boy in America.
The belittling of homosexual couples continues in season 4 after Kurt and Blaine break up. Until this point, their romance had been a seedling for a true, wholesome example of a homosexual relationship, but is then transformed into careless hookups in the backseats of cars and commitment-less flirtation.
Are these the kinds of values that gay rights activists and anti-bullying campaigns are looking to support? I don't think so. They are fighting for the right to a monogamous, loving relationship. They long for the support to raise families and care for each other in hard times.
Media projects that use flamboyance and promiscuity to"spread awareness and push for understanding" are only muddling the issue further - building the wall against gay marriage higher and higher. If anything Americans like me become even more reluctant to say they support gay rights because of the night-on-the-town mess that is so thoroughly mixed in.
So as a parent, I won't condone promiscuity (either hetero- or homosexual) and I won't expect my gay son to sing show tunes and go to ballet practice (though I'll support him if he does). The fact is, that no matter what sexual orientation my future children are, I hope to instill in them the same values: honesty, loyalty, and responsibility in everything they do and the hope of a loving, lasting marriage.
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